Beach With Class

There exists a certain type of man who arrives at the beach carrying a plastic bag, wearing cargo shorts from 2011, and squinting because he "doesn't do sunglasses." This feature is not for him. He is beyond our help.

For the rest of you — the discerning few who understand that sand is not an excuse for sartorial surrender — here is everything I pack for a day by the sea. Nothing more, nothing less.

Persol 714 Steve McQueen™ Special Edition — €398. The folding sunglasses that Steve McQueen wore in The Thomas Crown Affair. Crystal lenses, meflecto bridge, hand-made in Italy since 1917. If you need me to explain why these matter, you are reading the wrong magazine.

Orlebar Brown Bulldog Swim Shorts — €371. The swim short that single-handedly killed the board short. Tailored, mid-length, side-adjusters. You can walk from the pool to the bar without looking like you have just escaped a waterpark. Bond wore them in Skyfall. You are not Bond. But you can at least try.

Agnona Short-Sleeve Linen Shirt — €735. Yes, seven hundred and thirty-five euros for a linen shirt. No, I will not apologise. Touch it once and you will understand. This is what happens when Italians take flax personally. Wear it untucked, sleeves unrolled, top button undone. You know the rules.

Tom Ford Stitched-Detail Espadrille — €720. Because a gentleman does not wear flip-flops. Ever. Not at the beach, not at the hotel, not "just quickly to the shop." Tom Ford understood this. These espadrilles are the closest acceptable footwear to barefoot that society permits. Your feet will thank you. Your dignity already has.

Frescobol Carioca Rafael Wide Panama Hat — €275. A gentleman without a hat at the beach is like a sentence without a full stop. Incomplete, and slightly offensive. This one is made in Brazil by a brand that understands that beach culture is not an excuse for looking like a tourist. The wide brim says "I have been to Ipanema." Whether you have or not is irrelevant.

Missoni Home Adam Beach Towel — €165. One hundred and eighty centimetres of pure zigzag magnificence. While everyone else dries themselves with a faded hotel towel, you will be lying on a Missoni. It is not showing off. It is having standards.

Total investment: approximately €2,664. The cost of arriving at the beach looking like you actually respect yourself: immeasurable.